Dont Miss This...

Sigh..where to begin this week....

"Let's start at the very beginning....A very good place to start..."

Monday...(Monday Monday, so good to me, Monday Mornin', it was all I hoped it would be..)- yes I have music on the brain but hey this does fit that day perfectly!  Monday after everyone got to their respective places..parents at work and kids at school (5 people, 3 adults, 2 kids, and 1 car) I went and had coffee with a friend..a friend I am enjoying getting to know better all the time.  After our coffee I headed to work where a few things i have been stressing out about towards a Green Living Expo that we have a booth at THIS COMING WEEKEND were quickly resolved and travel plans we finalized towards a trip I have in 2 weeks to Indiana.  Not only that but through a random tweet about a concert (@francesscamusic you are awesome by the way!) I am going to get to surprise Jane with an awesome Mother/Daughter night out to hear Francessca Battiselli in concert and go to the meet/greet for free!!  Oh and Tarzan slept ALL NIGHT LONG!!  My day was the best but oh that night...that afternoon my aunt took my Grandmother to the dr. because she thought she had a stroke.  She did...but more on that on tuesday...

Tuesday....tuesday is where it headed all down hill...Tuesday I spent all afternoon with my grandmother helping her out around the house etc. due to her "mild right side weakness.." (yeah that's like saying I have ginger colored hair and weigh 110 lbs..)..lots of tears from her and from me.  I also had to write a letter to my aunts and uncle about how that day went...talk about hard.

Wednsday...is where the proverbial poop hit the fan...as I was in the shower, my mother called saying I needed to get over to Nonnie's (my grandmother) condo ASAP. (I realize my driving has gotten worse since living here but i think it was true Texas Valley driver that morning..lol). When I got there she was on the floor. Long story short again I ended up calling 911 to help pick her up and take her to the ER. I rode with her and my mom followed us. While in the ER she ended up having another stroke. This time her speech was affected and they inserted an NG tube....between that, her BP (dumb a** doctors and nurses wouldnt listen to us..ugh!), and just the whole situation it was a rough day.  I went home around 3 and picked up kids, got my dad from work, and crashed until 545pm. I ended up back at the hospital around 6pm and stayed with my grandmother until midngiht once she was FINALLY in a private room.  Thankfully I have some great friends who let me text them all day long stressed out and worried, and even gave me some much needed hugs!

Thursday...after people were in their respective places my friend from monday that I have coffee with was a very handsome life saver and invited me over for a huge mug of coffee and breakfast before I had to go to the airport and pick up my Aunt S who was in Alaska for work.  i spent the day driving her around since she was jet lagged big time and didnt know where to go in the first place.

Friday...this ended up being a great day actually.  I had coffee and breakfast with my friend (this is getting to be a habit...lol)  and got to spend the day with my grandmother at the hospital while my mom and aunt (who i work with) did some much needed things at work and the other aunt caught up on her jet lag.  She (my grandmother) was able to have the NG tube taken out and could have necter thickened liquids.  She also got approved to go to a very intensive rehab hospital (like therapy 3-4 hours a day) for the next 14 days.

So basically that is how my week was.  Today...today is a post for me to type up tomorrow.  I need my sleep.

I love being a mom.  I love my kids to death and would do anything for them.  But I HATE being a single mom.  I hate not being able to go out.  I hate being at home, living with my parents (love them but this is getting a little old already), and not going anywhere 24/7. 

I am around family 24/7!  Literally!  I work with my mom, live in her house, and go to church with them too!  The last part is not by choice.  We only have one car so I'm kinda stuck there.  Dont get me wrong I love the people they go to church with but I want and need to be somewhere else. 

Other single friends of mine get a "break" from their kids when they go see the other parent.  Me?  Yeah I don't get that.  I am "on-call" 24/7/365.  And before you start that "you are a mom.  you knew that when you started. other single parents dont get that, other parents with kids who have challenges dont get that." I know all that.  I'm not supermom.  I have spent the past 10 years not being me.  Is it so wrong to want to go out and spend the night playing pool, going to the driving range, go listen to jazz without kids?  Why can't I do that with out being made to feel guilty?  I know some of the guilt is self-induced.  I don't want to be an imposition to my parents as we are living here already. 

I wish this was easier.  Why can't I get to have fun too?

post notw: I am a little hormonal right now, but the point is still the same....I think...ask me again in a week.

So where to begin?

• Parenting: Single parenting sucks some days. Some days I rock at being both and some days I fail miserably. Its hard for me to stop and remember that Tarzan isn’t like other kids and what works for Jane of discipline doesn’t work for him. I loose my temper and say things I shouldn’t. Those are the days I hate and those are the days I try to learn from. Sometimes though those days send me to the shower for a good cry.
• Tarzan: Sleeps...just not well. If you saw some tweets this week then you know that Mr. Sleep Tech Will is so off my Christmas Card list for his “it can take up to 7-8 months to adjust” comment. School wise we LOVE his new teacher. School started off rough with unexpected teacher changes the 2nd week of class but G-d knew best and his new teacher Mrs. P is AWESOME! We have a plan to help him with his ADHD and Dysgraphia in class. This year is going to be great! Not to mention he is in the GT (gifted/talented) class too. He is doing so great!
• Jane: Is such a drama queen. We love her teacher too this year. She is growing up so much and changing so much. She is going to be such a heart breaker. She has made so many good friends this past year. She also started children's choir and TeamKIDS at church this year. Cant wait to see her in their Christmas play.
• Work: My job is great. I am so lucky to work for family and that they are willing to work around the kiddos schedules and Timothy's appointments with his neurologist. Its a little crazy trying to basically build up a new division of their business on my own but it is seriously a fun challenge!
• Myself: Where to begin? This summer has been fantastic! I have been loosing wight, starting to run again..not out of “I’m ticked off and need to de-stress” but because its fun and I want to. I have also been going out and enjoying myself more and making some really good friends. Not only that but I finally feel like myself again. Over the past 9 years of my marriage I got extremely far from who I was. I haven't been this happy and at peace with myself in..gosh..i really don’t know when.

I guess that kind of recaps a little of what I have been up to this summer. Any questions?

Like the title says becasue summer is almost over and I have been a horrible, horrible, horrible blogger this summer I thought I might just share a few of my most favorite photos of Tarzan and Jane from this crazy mixed up summer.

Tarzan..I love his smile

Jane having fun with my camera phone

She wasn't to happy here as she had just lost her 2nd volleyball in two weeks.  This time to a not so nice neighboor's backyard. 

Here we were waiting to see Tarzan's ENT.  Yep we were the ONLY ones in the waiting room.

On our way to spend the afternoon on the beach for Father's Day.

It was raining and I thought it was a cool shot.

And yes before you ask all the photos were taken with my camera phone.  Love my retro camera app!

This summer has been crazy.  I mean super crazy.  Between the "still adjusting to being a single parent", the whole Tarzan sleeping issue (which we may have resolved!), VBS, working from home, and this past week the "no hot water" issue has been freaking fun!

 My kids have been troopers this sumer.  My parents are freaking awesome too by the way.  They took my kiddos to the island from Friday 8/5-today at some point just so I could have a break!  I love my kiddos but we have not been apart for more than 24 hrs since JANUARY.  With everything that has gone on I really needed this break.  I wish i could have gone with them but I needed the down time.

So what did I do?  I SLEPT!  Well okay Friday night I went out to dinner and then went to visit some friends who were in town..whole lot of drinking involved that night (something I rarely-never do!), and a run for tacos at 1230am...lol.  Saturday was spent recouperating and sleeping until it was time to go BBQ with abouve friends again.  Except for beer (which i did not partake) we were alot more subdue than Friday.  Sunday...Sunday i played hooky from church and made some sketti for lunch.  Afterwards a friend of mine and I went to see Hangover 2 at the 1.50 movies.  I then spent my evening napping, munching on chips and salsa, and watching movies.

Not much of an exciting weekend but for me it was the best one i have had in a very, very long time!

Wow I am so behind on posts I honestly dont know where to start.  First of all I havent fallen off the face of the earth but occasionally it does seem like it.  Between the end of the school year, TAKS test for Tarzan, the whole not sleeping issue with Tarzan, church chior, children's church, and the  whole 4 kids under 10 at the house all summer, somedays i think i might have...or at least lost my mind.

I have TONS of posts that I need to send out so just hang with me and I wil get them out this week. 

Thanks!

Oh my little Tarzan.  What am I going to do with you? 

A few weeks ago Tarzan had to have a sleep study done because he wasnt sleeping.

(He was kinda annoyed that mommy took this picture of him)

Thankfully we now have a diagnosis! YEA!!!  Tarzan has Mild Obstructive Sleep Apnea with Parasomal Events (aka sleepwalking and or talking events).

So what does all this mean?  Well it means Tarzan gets to go see an ENT on the 13th of June to see if he needs a T&A (tonsillectomy and adenoidectomy) or something else done instead.  Afterwards he gets to do another sleep study to see if his sleeping has improved or gotten worse.  If its gotten worse then we get to move on to a C-Pap machine. 

End of school so I have to run!

Well today is the end of round one of Chemo for my kids grandmother.  This week she had to shave her head.  I showed Tarzan and Jane a picture of her new do.  Its hard on both of them right now.  I'm trying to keep their spirits up but the truth is eventually she will die from cancer.  She is a a 45-50% relapse rate with treatment in 5 years and a 75-50% relapse rate without treatment in 5 years.  Of corse we dont know how many treatments of chemo she iswilling to do before she calls it quits as it is.  Chemo is not something she wanted to do in the first place.

All we can do is pray.

Cancer....

Ugg I hate that word.  I told my kids last week that their grandmother would be fine.  That she was having surgery tomorrow and then just have to get zapped with radiation for 6-8 weeks and that was it.

Stupid cancer.  Makes me a liar now.

The kids dad called today with the rest of her pre-surgery test results.  Surgery WAS scheduled for tomorrow.  Yep you read right...was.  It was cancled.  The results came back that it has possibly spread to the other lymphondes on the other side of her body.  She has testing tomorrow and more meetings with doctors. 

My heart is breaking for them and I cant be there.

Stupid cancer.

You suck!

Cancer.

That word conjurors up so many emotions. Fear, dread, worry, shock, surprise, anger are just a few of them. Today I had to speak that terrible word of cancer to my kids. I had to tell them that their Granny (my husband's mom) has breast cancer and that she is having surgery on Tuesday.

Part of me is glad right now that we are living here in The Valley and not in Houston while she is going through this. Glad that my kids don’t have to see the pain and toil that its going to take on her body. Glad that they have a bubble (a six hour drive difference) to protect them from all this.

Right now their Dad is living with her and he will be the one with her while she goes through this. My heart hurts for him and I wish I could comfort him but I can't. I can't be the one to help him through this and as much as I wish I could I know its not where G-d wants me to be right now.

Right now he needs to be the one to go through this with her. Maybe this is what he needs. Maybe her illness will be the one thing that softens his heart to G-d's unending, everlasting, overflowing of grace.

Maybe...maybe something good will come out of this. All I can do is pray.